So, realizing that this topic may be worthy of several posts, I wanted to start with the obvious--a Google search on "dating intelligent women." At the top of the list I found this interesting article in the free.library.com. I actually found it interesting enough that I'm including some of it below--basically advice on whether or not men should even try to date an intelligent woman. I found the advice amusing, but sadly, true: My comments are in red for YOUR entertainment. Here goes:
Remember, its not easy dating an intelligent woman. (Probably true) Intelligent women are often too choosy about their dates. (why shouldn't we be choosy?) You need to know what an intelligent woman looks for in her date. Here are a few traits that an intelligent woman likes to see in her date. Unless you possess some, or all of these traits, it is not a good idea to think of dating an intelligent woman.
1. High degree of intelligence and confidence ? (Yes, I do desire the ability to converse on the same intellectual level as my partner and it is true that this is my #1 requirement. If they are intelligent, I will respect them more, and mutual respect goes a long way in forming the foundation for a relationship).The first and foremost quality that a smart and intelligent woman wants to see in her date is an equal degree of intelligence and confidence to match her own. If you do not possess these two basic attributes, you should forget about dating an intelligent woman. Well said.
2. Firm and persuasive tone ? Intelligent women admire a person who is thoroughly convincing and who is able to make well-informed decisions. If you want to win her over with authority and compulsion, you will receive a very big blow to your ego. Although intelligent women appreciate men who can challenge them with their wit and intellect, they hate it when men are too pushy. So, it is always better to use a firm but persuasive tone to mold her your way. Gosh, this is SO true. Reminds me of the time when a first date tried to convince me (with authority and compulsion) that I would love skiing despite the fact that I told him I already hated it after having tried it. And men who are able to be decisive are SO much more attractive than indecisive ones. Yes, I'm an intelligent woman, but be a man. Make some decisions.
3. Use refined humor to entertain her ? You cannot impress an intelligent woman with flattery or by showering her with gifts and presents. Oh, how true. I dislike flattery. However, you can impress her with your sharp wit and good sense of humor. Cheap jokes will only earn you negative points. Especially racist and homophobic ones. So, use strikingly clever and refined humor to entertain her. It is safe to avoid pungency, though, in your humor.
4. Modesty and humbleness ? Intelligent women are rarely arrogant because knowledge infuses humility in their personality. Therefore, they do not like proud and haughty men. Rather, they prefer modesty and humbleness in their men. Oh, how very true. Impress me with your modesty.
5. Matured thinking and behavior ? Childishness, immaturity and impractical behavior are an absolute turn off for intelligent women. Therefore, if you are considering dating and intelligent woman, then carry out a little introspection to ensure that you are quite practical and mature enough in your outlook and behavior. I would assume that this would be true for any relationship, so it goes for intelligent women...
1. High degree of intelligence and confidence ? (Yes, I do desire the ability to converse on the same intellectual level as my partner and it is true that this is my #1 requirement. If they are intelligent, I will respect them more, and mutual respect goes a long way in forming the foundation for a relationship).The first and foremost quality that a smart and intelligent woman wants to see in her date is an equal degree of intelligence and confidence to match her own. If you do not possess these two basic attributes, you should forget about dating an intelligent woman. Well said.
2. Firm and persuasive tone ? Intelligent women admire a person who is thoroughly convincing and who is able to make well-informed decisions. If you want to win her over with authority and compulsion, you will receive a very big blow to your ego. Although intelligent women appreciate men who can challenge them with their wit and intellect, they hate it when men are too pushy. So, it is always better to use a firm but persuasive tone to mold her your way. Gosh, this is SO true. Reminds me of the time when a first date tried to convince me (with authority and compulsion) that I would love skiing despite the fact that I told him I already hated it after having tried it. And men who are able to be decisive are SO much more attractive than indecisive ones. Yes, I'm an intelligent woman, but be a man. Make some decisions.
3. Use refined humor to entertain her ? You cannot impress an intelligent woman with flattery or by showering her with gifts and presents. Oh, how true. I dislike flattery. However, you can impress her with your sharp wit and good sense of humor. Cheap jokes will only earn you negative points. Especially racist and homophobic ones. So, use strikingly clever and refined humor to entertain her. It is safe to avoid pungency, though, in your humor.
4. Modesty and humbleness ? Intelligent women are rarely arrogant because knowledge infuses humility in their personality. Therefore, they do not like proud and haughty men. Rather, they prefer modesty and humbleness in their men. Oh, how very true. Impress me with your modesty.
5. Matured thinking and behavior ? Childishness, immaturity and impractical behavior are an absolute turn off for intelligent women. Therefore, if you are considering dating and intelligent woman, then carry out a little introspection to ensure that you are quite practical and mature enough in your outlook and behavior. I would assume that this would be true for any relationship, so it goes for intelligent women...
So, interesting advice on how to date intelligent women...this may be it for tonight, but stay tuned for Part II--why are there so many intelligent women out there and who are they supposed to date?
3 comments:
there are far more single intelligent women out there in their thirties than single intelligent men.
There's a lot of IQ data out there that generally concludes -
- AVERAGE male / female IQ is ~equivalent
- MEN have more variance in their distribution = more male geniuses & idiots vs. females. For ex., of those scoring a perfect 800 Math SAT, men outnumber women by about 2:1.
- Places like the Bay Area attracts career transplants, thus those on the right side of the IQ distribution, thus more men...
There are, however, some of the "optical effects" at play -
- because of the curve shapes, if you cut out the bottom 1/3 of the distribution, there are more women than men. So, back when only 10-20% of the population went to college, men outnumbered women... Now that 40-60% go to college, some campuses have more women than men.
- IQ is a composite and the component skills have different distributions .... Generally, women score higher on Verbal (talking) and Emotional (recognizing other's intentions, "playing well with others") while men score higher on abstract / numerical skills (e.g. math, theory).
As I've argued earlier, for reasons both good and bad, school has become far more of a game of "did I do what the teacher wants" vs. "am I gaining skills to conquer the world?" --> so school, in a broad sense, has become more conducive to female IQ, sitting still in desks, etc.
SO... if you're measuring "intelligence" based on
- social confidence (dressing fashionably, catching social nuances, etc.) --> yep, there are more "smart" women because, this is the female "component" of smart...
- "Ed Creds" --> yep, more "smart" women fill many ranks of "higher ed" (Liberal Arts Masters programs, in particular, are notoriously female dominated nowadays)
However, what you're rather emphatically NOT counting are the high IQ dudes that make up the bread&butter of silicon valley. Alas, for many SF girls, these thousand of single dudes are invisible.
Why? Alpha. I'd assert this is the single largest element of SFBay's "dating gap."
Now, for the more suave guys who are more likely to show up on the radar - there's an additional factor at play... for a LOT of these single guys, a primary "application" of their high IQ's is.... improving their game with "hot" women... implicitly/explicitly, they are motiviated by the flock of hotties career success attracts.
Alas, for these guys, a woman's intelligence is a (potentially big) bonus point rather than the "table stakes" for the game. After all, if he wants to have a high IQ conversation - particularly in the abstract, numerical "male" IQ sense - he can chat with guy friends about the recently published Federal Reserve Bank stats, etc... subjects a high IQ gal pal simply isn't as likely to be into.
Get past all of this, then yes, I suppose a "firm tone", "refined humor", etc. apply...
heh... some googling around turned up this little gem -
http://whytherearenogirls.blogspot.com/2009/08/14-lop-sided-gender-ratio.html
a few bits not quite so agreeable BUT, still a lot to munch on ;-)
I think that your whole in depth look at intelligence and dating is fascinating. The article that you quote sure presents a cookie cutter approach to describing intelligent women. Women don't lose their ability to be unique just because they are intelligent.
I laughed at the maturity part, because this is so subjective. If a man does something that is immature and offensive, then that is not appreciated. On the flip side, a man who does silly, goofy things (that could be classified as immature) that make a woman laugh can be very appealing, because being intelligent doesn't mean that you have lost all sense of humor.
Now I'm off to read part 2.
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