The end of a Relationship

Relationships come into our lives for many reasons.  Some teach us about ourselves.  Others teach us how to negotiate well.   The best relationships expand our perspective about the world and teach us how to be better people.  And not all relationships are forever.  Fleeting moments are not wasted moments; rather, I believe we learn from every moment--whether it is filled with sorrow or joy.

And so, with a heavy heart but a clear mind, I have made two decisions this past week.  The first decision is to not pursue market publication of my first book about online dating.  In reality, the book was about my difficulty in grieving over the end of a relationship, and my healing process facilitated by online dating.  My second decision is to retire from the dating blogging world.  Of course, these decisions are intricately related.

To be a writer in the end, is to enjoy the process of writing.  When I write, words pour out onto the page in kind explanation to how I must have been feeling.  However, to publish is an entirely different process--one in which the publisher "markets" the book to make money.  A lot of time the writer has little control over this process.  For me, this was such a personal book that I desire retaining control.  And so, I have decided not to pursue the arduous process of seeking agents, pubicists, publishers, etc. etc.  I may still publish the book digitally a few months down the line to have it available for friends to buy, but that decision is still underway. 

I truly enjoyed the process of writing.  Writing a memoir is incredibly healing.  This being my first book, it's kind of equivalent to the feeling of having run my first marathon (although admittedly this task took me longer than a marathon)--the feeling of doing everything for the first time, and of being amazed that I was able to accomplish something I never thought I could.  In addition, I learned so much, with the help of the amazing members of my writing group who painstakingly read and critiqued every word of my manuscripts, as well as kind friends who showed interest in reading it throughout.  I learned how to write a book.  I learned how to write period.  And for this, I am a better writer, and a better person.  I now view the world through the eyes of a writer, a new perspective.  Remember how I just wrote that relationships bring us new perspectives?

For the past 2 years, writing this book has taken the place of a relationship--provided me with opportunities to grow and learn, expand my perspective, negotiate with the demons within, and ultimately teach me about myself.  But like many good relationships, it was right for two years but no longer is. 
Let's be honest--no one wants to date a dating blogger--it is easy to google me and find my blog, and men I date are afraid I will write about them even if I promise not to.  Even though that could be my reason for "retiring," it is not.  It is simply that my heart is not in it anymore.  That I no longer feel like writing about dating is helping me grow as a person.  In fact, I have had writers' block for the past two months, and making this decision has helped me begin my next book--the one I may one day want to publish--the one about "The Making of a Primary Care Doctor," describing my international, life and doctoring experiences...although not as juicy of a topic, it is a lot closer to my heart and thus I feel my writing is already better.
So,  adieu for now, and I highly appreciate all the support and interest in my blog.  I truly hope you will continue to follow me as a writer, as an artist is only such through the eyes of her readers.  I appreciate every time you have clicked on my blog or forwarded it to your friends.  A few of my friends have expressed desires to take over this blog; however, I doubt they are serious.  So, if you are a follower, or a reader, I hope you will continue to follow, or read, on my companion blog in which I will continue to write--Beans' Travel and Life Blog: the World through the Eyes of a Primary Care Doctor....
Happy Holidays everyone, and may you all follow the light that shines through your hearts as we approach the beginning of a new decade...